Risk Vs. Reward: Little Red Men
What was a Primary Directive fanatic to do? The Random Punks format allowed cards from the Marvel Origins set, but they had to be either common or uncommon. The one card that I lived to play with was not legal. It could have been a tragedy. My ears suddenly filled with the voice of my mentor . . .
“I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don’t feel so bad.”
-Mary Poppins
That does the trick every time. I pulled out the other cards I love best and I took out the rares. I realized immediately that the Anti-Green Lantern mosh pit in my Justice League of America deckbox was pumped and ready to slam-dance its way to Random Punks glory. It only lost its usual Willworld venue, and it would need to keep the Blinding Rage outside the club if it got hit by an inadvertent elbow. Xallarap and friends were surely the most competitive group of common and uncommon pets that I owned.
Unfortunately, the flock of Wild Sentinels that had formed into such chaotic table-shapes and carried me to the promised land could not rely on the magick of Longshot, Rebel Freedom Fighter for this ritual. The swampy muck of the Random Punks environmental constraints would not allow the construction of an Underground Sentinel Base, either. Even the late game dominance of Bastion was off limits in the no-rare format. Shiny purple seemed too dull for a Punk resurrection.
Since splattering pigment prior to a show was one of the most successful enhancements of my concert-going career, I tweaked the War Paint properly and cut down to only common and uncommon cards: no Hard-Light Storage Tank, no Mantis, no Mobilize. It lost some consistency, but retained its temperature. War Paint could be a contender.
Then I saw it. “It” was a stack of green-sleeved cardboard that I had not shuffled since Pro Circuit Atlanta. It was chock-full of Madrox, and it gave me an idea.
“Little Red Men”
Random Punks format
Characters
16 Multiple Man ◊ Jamie Madrox
8 Damn Nazis
4 Senator Kelly
4 Hellboy, Little Boy
4 Shadow-Thief
Plot Twists
4 Vicarious Living
4 Wake the Devil
4 Something Is Coming
4 Plague of Frogs
4 Infestation
Equipment
4 Ego Gem
Ever since the day I first laid eyes on the Hellboy Essential Collection, I have been itching. Something inside me is insatiably driven to unleash a Plague of Frogs in a tournament setting, and the Random Punks format finally gives me an excuse. Obviously, my cardboard concoction contains a few cartons of 1-cost Army characters; it’s in my nature. Surprisingly enough, it might actually work.
I built the deck and started shuffling. The first few goldfished games seemed sweet. The Little Red Men were consistent enough for me, so I decided to dedicate some extra time to their development.
The basic game plan of the deck is fairly simple: drop as many 1-drop Army characters as you can, swell your little Hellboy to outrageous sizes, slap someone silly with a Plague of Frogs, then burn away the remaining face with Senator Kelly. Since Infestation is perhaps my favorite non-rare pet of all, you also have the option of the titanic team-attack for triple digits if all goes perfectly.
The prototype list that you see above is extremely raw. It can easily sputter and die a scrawny weakling’s death if it doesn’t achieve the proper draw. Being the kind of player who would rather risk the chance to win in a way no one has ever seen, I was not the person best suited to tighten the ranks and lay down the law.
So I got by . . . with a little help from my friends.
The following is a smorgasbord of possible additions to the Little Red Men. They are in chronological order, according to the first person who sent me a message identifying the card. Multiple players suggested most of them, and they are all excellent enhancements for the deck. All of these are Random Punks legal, except for two that are noted as rare in case you want to take things further. See which ones fill your bucket. Mine is overflowing.
Mutopia and
Birthing Chamber were chosen by nearly thirty different respondents, but they first hit my box from the keyboard of one Charles “cchug2001” Huggins. The man is a myth with a Kangol, hailing from
Daytona Beach and always on point. The cards are even better in this build.
Mutopia turns Jamie Madrox into one of the most exquisite enablers that Vs. System will ever see.
Birthing Chamber seems custom-tailored to this deck as well.
Samuel “Walter Sobchac” Beachy wants the Little Red Men to Search and Destroy. I can’t say I blame him. Multiple Men are already sponging the team affiliation off of Senator Kelly, so they might as well take out opposing threats and laugh as the attempted recruit of an essential equipment card falls by the wayside. Search and Destroy has always been one of the most powerful cards in the game, and I am always looking for a good excuse to use it.
Royal Egg-Matrix, Creeping Doom, and The Mist would form the basis of a shift in strategy toward some kind of direct Infestation team attack from Hell. Mike “RanmaSolo” Malaspina always digs up extended insanity like that, and he again did not disappoint. I don’t quite have the headspace to adjust that drastically, but I have always been intrigued by the concept.
Adam “ihatepants” Prosak sent in a nice set of ideas, and I want to share them all with you right now. Check out the jank ramblings of a Pro Circuit Champion:
“I think this deck is really cute, in a good way. I definitely agree that Mutopia should be in there, and I would even go so far as to play Chameleon, Dmitri Smerdyakov if you’re Random Punk’n. That way, you don’t have to play a character with a particular affiliation in order to get some insane plot twist bonuses. I would also like more card draw. I agree that Ego Gem is likely the best ever, but I’d try to fit in some more drawing power or at least Ape X to search for it. If you play Chameleon, then Legacy of Evil is just the best thing since sliced bread.
“Other cards to consider (they obviously won’t all fit):
Hired Goons (!)
Ted Kord ◊ Blue Beetle / Kooey Kooey Kooey (when rares are allowed)
Get Him My Petsss (rare, unfortunately)
“I had a Silver Age deck a while ago that was based off of Multiple Men + Mutopia, with Chameleon and Detective Chimp for all sorts of affiliations. I never got the chance to play it in a real tournament, but it was a sight to see. Get Him My Petsss was the focus, and it wasn’t that difficult to lock opponents out of the game with something like 3-drop Floronic Man + Slaughter Swamp.”
Then we had the reinforcement issue. There is a strange tickle that can only be caused by the words “Reinforce and take 1.” There are also ways to feel it without exhausting a character. Adam “bendrix” Hall chimed in with an invitation to Poker Night, while Chris “im_all_noobish” Bramasco wondered about Crowd Control with all the Little Red Men running around screaming their heads off. I considered both.
Michael “lotusprime” Gallery wanted to start a Reconstruction Program in order to reform the fallen. The card is always awesome on Senator Kelly, and it gives little Hellboy a second chance, but it cannot sway the mind of Madrox. If you add it, make sure you adjust accordingly and get a few extra Nazis in the dirt early.
Joe “CaptainCuba” Sanchez sent me this:
“Ever consider Wild Pack?
-8 Damn Nazis
+8 Wild Pack Recruit
-4 Hellboy, Little Boy
+4 Powell
- 4 Ego Gem
+4 Bounty Hunt
- 4 Wake the Devil
+4 Capture Net
-4 Something is Coming
+4 Forged in Crisis
-4 Plague of Frogs
+4 Nasty Surprise or No Fear
Bah . . . that’s a different deck, my bad.”
No Joe, you’re good. Very good. That is an amazing idea. We could drop in a copy of Silver Sable, World’s Deadliest Mercenary and call it “Little Silver Women.” Me likey . . . especially the Forged in Crisis and the Powell. Outstanding potential.
David “i3ullseye” Maynor took the Little Red Men out for the wildest walk yet when he checked in with Token Resistance. We laughed maniacally when we imagined a non-combat deck that utilized Press the Attack to exhaust Kelly in bunches. Those Random Punks would never know what hit them.
Of course, before this bountiful batch of suggestions for my swarm of squirts can ever hit the tournament, they must be taken from the world of speculation and forced into deck form.
John T. “Doomstat” Hornung went so far as to take out the Hellboy and adjust our baby into something completely different. Two somethings, in fact. Here is a pair of white-hot, non-rare, team-attack monsters that he created. Both are legal for the Random Punks format. Both fully abuse my beloved Infestation as they serve up a win condition that will make your local scene stand up and take notice . . . or at least shake their heads in amazement. Either way, it is one of my favorite things and it is back louder than ever for an update. I will see you on the other side to sign off.
“Little Red Men of DOOM!”
Characters
16 Multiple Man ◊ Jamie Madrox
8 Damn Nazis
4 Senator Kelly
4 Kristoff Von Doom, The Boy Who Would Be Doom
4 Zazzala ◊ Queen Bee, Royal Genetrix
Plot Twists
4 Mutopia
4 Plague of Frogs
4 Infestation
4 Doom Needs Only Doom
Locations
4 Birthing Chamber
Equipment
4 Ego Gem
“Slimmer, Trimmer, Little Red Men”
Characters
16 Multiple Man ◊ Jamie Madrox
8 Damn Nazis
3 Senator Kelly
3 Cyclops, Slim
3 Commissioner Gordon, James Gordon
3 Zazzala ◊ Queen Bee, Royal Genetrix
Plot Twists
4 Mutopia
4 Dynamic Duo
4 Plague of Frogs
4 Infestation
Locations
4 Birthing Chamber
Equipment
4 Ego Gem
So there you have it. Thanks to the sad fact that I cannot play Primary Directive in my neighborhood Random Punks tournament, the Little Red Men have been unleashed on the Vs. System world. It is an uncommon way to play that might infect the whole community. I feel better already.
Rian Fike is also known as stubarnes and he still needs help. If you do any testing with the Little Red Men concept or just want you remember your own favorite things, send him some words at rianfike@hattch.com.